Survivor: Thailand Edition

After hiding out in our hostel until Songkran was over, we decided to work off four days of endless Changs by going on a hike! How healthy of us #fitspo

Fresh air, feeling the wind on our faces, becoming one with nature!! Yes, sign us up.

We decide on going to Huay Tung Tao, because there are "spectacular" waterfalls, and it is a circular hike, so less chance of us getting lost. Yes, we thought, this will be perfect. Just what we want.

"hidden away"

This is going to be the best hike *ever*

Once we get there we whip out the directions. 

"We start near the Golden Buddha"

*locates Golden Buddha*

Phew, got it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. 

"Follow the trail in anti-clock wise direction"

Okay.

So we go left?

No...we go right?

Really great start everyone, keep up the good work.

Let's ask someone.

Ohhhh no English, kk.

*points in general direction and shrugs*

*thumbs up from non-English speakers who have no idea what we are asking*

Guess we will be going in this general direction.

Okay next step.

"The first 2 kilometers are quite easy"

How far is a kilometer?

What do they consider "easy?"

If this is easy, what is not easy like?

Am I going to get eaten alive by a snake? (Chelsea)

Let's just keep going.

I swear I heard a rustle what do you think that was? (Chelsea)

The wind, me stepping on a leaf, an insect, normal nature noises...

Okay so not a snake right? (Chelsea)

Not a snake.

Have we gone 2 kilometers yet?

Yea...yea....

^Being the leader, because I'm so good at directions, while Chelsea and Nicole eat my dust

Okay next direction.

"At waypoint Y you will cross a stream and immediately turn left following the stream towards the waterfall"

How will we know when we come to waypoint Y?

*Chelsea screams because she thinks she sees a snake*

Chelsea it's a stick.

Why are there no trail markers?

I swear I heard a snake. (Chelsea)

*Chelsea tells story about how her and her boyfriend almost left their vacation in California upon seeing a garden snake*

This looks like there could have been a stream here once, right?

Yea...maybe it just dried up.

...Yea...

^personalities in a nutshell

*turns left and follows the "stream" towards the "waterfall"*

At this moment I am drinking the last drops of my water, with only the thoughts of cool cool waterfalls filling my head. Surely we will be there soon! We meander along for about another hour, with only the sounds of nature (which we have come to hate) to fill the silence, as well as the slight hum of TLC's Don't Go Chasin Waterfalls that is on repeat in my head, broken only by the occasional snap of a twig followed by a shriek from Chelsea, thinking it's a python going to swallow her whole.

^except there was no babbling brook

Lots of thoughts were going through my head, but I didn't dare say them aloud. But I knew. This is where we were going to die. Years later, when an unlucky person would wander off the path to the non-existent waterfalls and get lost like us, they would stumble upon our remains. And clutched in my skeleton of a hand will be my selfie stick, GoPo fully in tact. They will upload my videos, and see nothing really of interest, except for three girls wandering alone in the wilderness, singing an off key version of Don't Go Chasin' Waterfalls, while a tiny violin plays a sad sad tune in the background (they will of course have to edit the tiny violin's sad sad tune in afterwards, but it makes it way more dramatic)

^ the look of complete and utter despair- notice how defeated Chelsea's stance is

I am slightly exaggerating, but we actually did run out of water and were lost and wandering in the wilderness of Chiang Mai in the BLAZING sun. Humans are around 65% water, but at that moment I was about 20% water and 80% despair.

After finally giving up and realizing THERE ARE NO WATERFALLS TO BE FOUND OR ANY OTHER FORMS OF LIFE ON THIS "TRAIL" (and also realizing that maybe we don't know how to follow directions?) we decided to give up and head back to civilization. My mouth has never been so parched. Apparently humans can survive up to a week without water but clearly those humans have never hiked in Thailand in May. 

After a roundtrip of FOUR HOURS we finally make it back to where we started and run up to the nearest person, screaming "WATER WATER ICE WATER ICE WATER" while frantically racking our brains for what the word for water is in Thai (naam- yea that 100 on my Thai test is coming in handy) some poor soul finally understands what we are saying and brings us out an entire bucket of ice and water.

If you want to see how truly relieved we were to find water, FF this video to 2:36...this is the exact moment Chelsea and I knew we were going to make it. Watch in HD so you feel like you are actually there with us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yIyhEN4DkM



At least we made it to this crappy beach

We are obviously impressed